At The HERD Institute, we are deeply invested in social justice. It’s the lens through which we operate and the foundation of our values. So, it’s inevitable that our community will feel the weight of the election results—especially when those results don’t align with our hopes for a fairer, more inclusive society. For many of us, politics isn’t just about policies; it’s about values, about fighting for a world where everyone’s dignity is respected. When close relationships bring differing views into play, it’s natural to feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, or even conflicted. Navigating these relationships requires careful thought, boundaries, and, perhaps most of all, a commitment to staying true to ourselves.
The votes have been counted and the results are out. So, how can we approach conversations with friends, family, and colleagues whose values and beliefs seem so alien and misaligned with our own while holding space for both our values and our connections with them?
- Allow Yourself Time to Grieve and Process
This election has real implications for marginalized communities. I feel heartbroken and dumbfounded. I think it’s essential to give myself time to feel it all. Disappointment and grief are valid, and in these moments, I remind myself that my reaction isn’t “too much.” After all, these aren’t abstract issues—they touch on the lives, rights, and futures of real people. I give myself permission to mourn, to take a pause, and to feel the weight of what’s happened.
This might mean processing these emotions alone or with close friends who share my commitment to social change. Grieving in community reminds us that we’re not alone. Finding a safe enough space to be able to speak our truth and express our anger, despair, and fear is crucial. This time of reflection allows me to approach relationships more thoughtfully, rather than letting raw emotions lead me into conversations I may not be ready for.
- Choose Conversations That Align with Your Values
One thing I’ve learned is that not every conversation about politics needs to happen, especially when the stakes are high for marginalized communities. I ask myself if discussing a particular issue or outcome with someone will ultimately bring understanding or contribute to positive change. If the answer is no, I allow myself to let that conversation go. Prioritizing conversations with people who genuinely want to understand where I’m coming from helps me feel less isolated, and it allows for more meaningful exchanges.
If a relationship matters, I’ll make the effort—but only in a way that feels productive and safe. This doesn’t mean avoiding difficult topics, but it does mean giving myself the freedom to focus my energy where it aligns most with my values.
- Set Boundaries to Protect Your Well-Being and Commitment to Justice
Setting boundaries is one of the greatest acts of courage I know. When I’m feeling especially raw, I let others know if I’m not ready to discuss politics or if I need to step away from conversations that disregard the realities of marginalized groups. This isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about honoring my need for peace and protecting my emotional and mental resources.
Sometimes I’ll say, “I value our relationship, but right now, I need to step away from this discussion,” or, “I don’t think this conversation is helpful to either of us right now”. Boundaries create a space for me to hold true to my beliefs without feeling worn down, and they ensure that I’m able to sustain my efforts in advocacy.
- Lead with Curiosity, But Stand Firm in Your Beliefs
In the rare moments when I do feel ready to engage in a conversation with someone whose views are different from mine, I find that curiosity can be a powerful tool. This doesn’t mean I’m softening my stance on the issues; it means I’m allowing the person’s perspective to emerge without judgment. Often, I ask questions like, “What’s most important to you about this issue?” or “How do you see change happening?” By leading with curiosity, I remind myself that understanding someone’s viewpoint doesn’t mean agreeing with it.
Curiosity allows me to listen deeply while still holding my values at the center. And in truth, I am genuinely curious how others have come to believe in what they do. In some cases, I’ve found that this kind of listening opens the door to growth on both sides. Even if I can’t change someone’s mind, I can leave the conversation feeling true to myself.
- Know When to Step Away
In some cases, I’ve learned that taking a step back from a relationship is the healthiest thing for everyone involved. If a conversation feels disrespectful or if a person continually dismisses the lived experiences of marginalized communities, I may decide that it’s time to disengage. This isn’t necessarily about ending the relationship, but about honoring the space I need to recharge and focus on work that aligns with my values. It’s also important to acknowledge that sometimes the rupture is too large to repair and it’s okay to walk away for good.
Taking a step back can be difficult, especially with people we care about, but it’s essential for sustaining ourselves in social justice work. Our energy is finite, and using it where it can do the most good is a powerful way to care for both ourselves and the communities we stand for.
- Self-Care as Resistance and Resilience
Self-care is more than a buzzword—it’s an act of resistance. By caring for myself, I ensure I have the strength and resilience to continue the work I believe in. This might mean taking time to breathe and spending time with my herd. Sometimes it’s connecting with others who are equally invested in social justice work and finding support in their company. By nurturing my own well-being, I’m better able to hold space for others and advocate for the change I want to see. Taking time to restore my energy keeps me grounded and connected to my purpose.
Moving Forward in Community
Navigating relationships post-election, especially when the outcome isn’t what I’d hoped for, challenges me to live my values in real, sometimes difficult, ways. But I remind myself that each boundary I set, each pause I take, and each compassionate interaction is a step toward the world I want to help create—a world rooted in equity, inclusion, and belonging. I’m grateful for those personal and professional spaces of shared humanity and community that are safe enough to speak my truth.